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Whether you have been married for only a brief period of time, many years, or even decades, you want your marriage to be the best that it can be! Not only do you and your spouse deserve happiness, this book will give you all of the helpful tips and advice to show you how to have exactly that!

You may have encountered some serious difficulties in your marriage, or you may simply wish to improve what is already a good relationship. The good news is you do not need to be content with wishing-- you can reconstruct your marriage, and start well on your way to building a lifelong love!

Read on-- and find the all-important keys to a happy marriage that will last for a lifetime!

Chapter 1: To Find the Solution, First See the Problem

If you think about it, you may have noticed how often people try to find solutions to a problem without being sure what the problem actually is. You may also have noticed that attempting to resolve a problem in this manner is futile-- in fact, it is nearly impossible!

In order to find a solution, it is essential to make acknowledging the problem the very first step. While it would seem that this should �go without saying,� you would be surprised at how many people miss it entirely, and try to rush headfirst into possible solutions without fully acknowledging what difficulties they are up against.

With this in mind, you can avoid the time-consuming, frustrating trap which too many fall into; and, instead, start at the beginning.

You can begin by asking yourself what problems you and your spouse are encountering. You will then know what difficulties need to be resolved, and what you wish to accomplish. A good way to go about this is to read through this book, and after you have thought about the topics contained within, get together with your spouse for a discussion. You can share your thoughts and feelings, and ask your spouse to share his or hers. Not only will this help in making progress toward finding solutions, it will also open up the lines of communication.

So, what kinds of problems are occurring in your marriage? Are you and your spouse losing touch with each other from basic lack of communication? Do you feel as if you are growing apart, and no longer feel as if you have an active place in each other's lives? Are there disagreements, or arguments, over such factors as money, jobs, children, and other people? Are you and your spouse considering a separation-- or, even worse, a divorce?

These, as well as most other factors which can cause a marital relationship to fall apart, can be resolved. You do not need a pile of �modern� books or other fads; and except in the most extreme cases, you do not need �couples counseling� or therapy. You can begin to put your marriage back together, reconstruct the joy that you both experienced at the beginning, and use both that initial joy and your mature experiences to make your marriage stronger and happier than ever!

After you have put some careful thought into acknowledging what problems you are confronting, it is also important to decide what you wish to accomplish. Do you want more quality time with your spouse? Do you want to be able to come to agreements, or respect for different stands, on various important issues?

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One important point to keep in mind is that goals for a marriage are as individual as the people are individual. What this means is that what may be ideal for your friend or your sibling may not be so ideal for you and your spouse; unfortunately, it may also mean that what you want is not the same as what your spouse wants.

However, while the best time to have come to conclusions about the kind of marriage, goals and ideals that you both want was before you were married, even if you are just now encountering these differences it is never too late to resolve your differences and reach a common ground which you both should find acceptable.

Have you assessed the problem and discovered the specific difficulties which you are confronting? Have you put careful thought into deciding on the goals you wish to accomplish? Good for you! You have taken the first important steps! Your marriage is not only worth preserving and improving-- you can make it happier and stronger than ever!

Chapter 2: Opening the Lines of Communication

In order for any relationship to be successful, there must be consistent good communication. Although this is true for any relationship, it is most essential in marriage. In nearly every marriage which has begun to deteriorate, lack of communication is one of the main factors.

One of the best ways to resolve this problem is to go back to the very beginning-- your beginning! Was lack of communication a problem all along, or is it a something which started at some particular point in time?

For many couples, lack of communication was a problem since the onset of their relationship. If you and your spouse fall into this category, it is essential that you come to terms with this problem so that you can work on resolving it. Some people have had this lack of communication because they felt that �love would conquer all,� and therefore did not recognize the need to discuss important issues; others have begun a relationship and even entered into marriage feeling unable to voice their thoughts, feelings, preferences, beliefs, and merely gone along with their partners on everything.

For people in these categories, the time usually comes when they are no longer content to simply �go with the flow,� and find that major differences and disagreements occur when they attempt to assert themselves. They may find that their spouse wishes to remain in charge; or they may find that they and their spouse disagree on significant issues.

In either case, opening the lines of communication is the first, essential step in asserting oneself and in beginning to reach agreements. You will find that there will be a number of instances in which you and your spouse must �agree to disagree.�

For many other couples, however, communication was a present factor in the beginning, but somehow managed to deteriorate over time. Lack of time with each other due to family and work responsibilities often account for many of these instances. Sometimes, also, a person's priorities shift-- while the marital relationship was once a person's number-one focus, other factors in his or her life led the marriage to take second-place, somehow not seeming as important as it was at the beginning.

In these instances, reassessing priorities is the main key to reestablishing good communication. It is necessary to give your marriage the time and attention it needs and deserves-- and to give your spouse the time and attention which he or she needs and deserves.

There are other instances in which people simply lack good communication skills. If this appears to describe you or your spouse, take heart-- good communication skills can be learned. Even if you are nonassertive, or do not know how to communicate effectively, it is a skill which you can learn-- by practice and experience.

Whichever of these categories describes you and your spouse, recognizing the foundation of the problem is the first step in resolving it.

What is good communication? When you and your spouse can talk with each other about all important subjects and even subjects which have no serious implications at all; when you can freely share what you think, feel, believe, want, like and dislike; when you can state your stand on important issues and listen to your spouse's, with mutual respect even when there are matters of disagreement; you can have good, effective communication.

Good communication comes from practice, experience, respect and the time which you are willing to put into it!

Chapter 3: Let's Go Back to the Beginning!

As every problem had a beginning, so did everything of a positive nature! Unfortunately, when many people set themselves to the task of trying to �fix� a failing marriage, they neglect to look at the initial positives-- all of those wonderful assets which were there at the very beginning of their marriage, and even prior to their marriage!

This is a mistake, when you are honestly looking at the problems which have arisen in your marriage which you need to resolve, it is essential to also remind yourself and your spouse of all of the positive strengths, qualities, and characteristics which brought you together in the first place!

Whether you have been married for a year or twenty years, this factor is equally relevant to all who seriously wish to improve their marriage. The reason for this should be obvious, while working through and resolving your difficulties is necessary, placing some focus and emphasis on your relationship's initial strengths is the main factor which will help you to strengthen it now and for the future.

What brought you and your spouse together? What accounted for you and this person making the decision to spend the rest of your lives together? Whether you and your spouse were starry-eyed young people who married after knowing each other for a very brief period of time, or whether you had been in each other's lives for many years, let your memory take you back to your beginning.

What qualities or characteristics did you find the most appealing in your spouse? What kinds of goals, hopes, plans and dreams did you both share? As each person is an individual, the answers to these questions will be equally individual-- and they are as relevant to reconstructing the strengths and the joys in your marriage as any questions and answers you can possibly ask yourself!

No matter how hopeless your situation may seem, taking this little trip down Memory Lane is one of the most important steps you can take in reconstructing your marriage. It is quite likely that you will find that the factors which influenced your decision to marry still do exist-- they just need to be noticed again and made fresh, all over again!

While you are thinking about these factors, you may also find yourself recalling many things which you and your spouse shared back then. You may have loved taking part in some kind of activity that you both enjoyed, for example, but somewhere along the line other priorities started to take precedence and you no longer had time for it.

When you are planning to reconstruct your marriage, another strength which you can build on are those shared interests. Whether you and your spouse liked to participate in a sport, attend rock concerts, have picnics in the park on Sunday afternoons, those activities which you both mutually enjoyed were bonding experiences-- and there is no reason why you cannot do them now!

The purpose in going back to your beginning is to assess both the strengths which contributed to your marriage and the interests which you had in common. In doing so, you will recall the passion which you both had for your relationship and for each other. And when you can recall your initial passions, you will then be in a position to reclaim them-- the favorite pastimes, the goals and dreams, they are all still there, waiting to be uncovered and appreciated again!

Chapter 4: It's About Time!

It does not matter how old you are, how long you have been married, or how full of a daily schedule you and your spouse may happen to have-- for a troubled marriage to be reborn, or for an adequate marriage to be improved, after good communication the second most important factor is Time!

In order to thrive, a relationship needs attention; and in order to thrive, so do both partners!

These days we often hear a lot about �quality time.� In many cases, however, this comes to mean trying to squeeze as much as possible into a small amount of time allotted for it. People whose everyday lives and schedules are full to the overflowing point with job and family obligations usually consider this to be the only alternative; but there are also many whose personal interests, hobbies and pastimes take precedence, leaving the marital relationship to be resigned to this version of �quality time.�

There are two problems associated with this concept. First, obviously, pre-scheduled quality time is simply not enough. However, the other significant factor in attempting to have a marital relationship without giving enough time to it is that when one spouse or both begins to see that neither the relationship nor he or she is a priority anymore, both the relationship and the spouse will suffer from the neglect.

If you think back to your early days with your spouse, you were in the majority if you and this person wished and attempted to spend every minute together. In a healthy, normal relationship, �I only have eyes for you� is indeed a truism-- there was nothing and no one that could compare with your new partner, nothing and no one that could pry your attention away from this person!

As is the case for normal, healthy couples, this begins to change. In most instances it is a matter of needing to work, tending to family responsibilities, and even having one's own particular interests and friends which causes the spouses to shift their focus off of each other and off of their relationship.

If you are preparing to reconstruct your marriage, rebuilding that initial relationship is necessary. One very important point which many in this situation miss, however, is that while being more generous with your time is essential, getting back to the way it was in placing more emphasis and focus on your partner is also essential. As the quickest way to cause a substantial feeling of neglect

Is to make that person feel as if he is not as important to you as he used to be, reemphasizing the fact that he is indeed a priority in your life will do wonders to bring the sense of connection and joy back into your marriage!

If you truly want your marriage to be the very best that it can be, you cannot afford to be stingy with your time! Granting someone an hour per week, after all of the �more important� factors in your life have been taken care of, simply will not do it.

If you are like most people, you probably do not have the faintest clue in how to get more time for your spouse in your already-full schedule. The theory is correct: if you cannot find the time, you must make the time. We all know that finding free time is a luxury which most of us do not have; so if you look at it in those terms, you are not giving it a chance.

Instead, seeing your spouse and your relationship as a real priority in your life which you must make time for is the key. Perhaps you can look at it in a manner similar to the way in which you view your job: it is necessary, it is good, and the time will be taken for it.

If you have come to or past the point where spending a significant amount of time with your spouse is something which you have not done for a long period of time, it may feel like an unfamiliar venture. We all know people who have been married for many years, and rarely see each other because one or both individuals are �too busy.� Perhaps this describes you-- or perhaps you see yourself heading in this direction, and are unsure as to what to do about it.

In addition to setting your spouse and your relationship as a priority again in matters of giving enough time, what you do with that time is also relevant. For example, you may know couples, such as retired older people, who spend a great deal of time together, yet do little together and have little to say to each other!

While being in each other's presence is generally a good thing in itself, simply �being there� can benefit from a little boost. While planning in advance for what you wish to do is not always a good idea, having something in mind can be quite helpful.

If you are as many people who have full schedules and little time, it is most beneficial if the time you put into your relationship is focused on your �togetherness.� There is an aspect of this which many do not consider-- and that is that there are two very different manners in which couples spend their time together. One is a matter of focusing on each other; the second is a matter of putting more focus onto activities and/ or other people. And even though both are good, the former is much more helpful when the basic goal is to regain communication and togetherness.

If you are uncertain as to what this means, and what the difference is, you can think about it this way: if you and your spouse go out to dinner, a movie, a party, or participate in an activity, your general focus is on the activity. You are not giving your spouse the attention he or she may need, nor communicating effectively, when the focus is on enjoying a movie or interacting with other people at a party!

Having and sharing common interests, taking part in hobbies and pastimes, and socializing with other people is important to the individual as well as to the couple. However, viewing it as a significant part of �couple time� or �togetherness time� is a mistake, because it cannot fulfill that purpose. Instead, granting your spouse your undivided attention is the factor which will help this all-important person to realize that he or she still takes center-stage in your life!