Body Language Magic
How to Read and Make Body Movements for Maximum
Success
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Introduction
Have you heard of the word Body English? I
remembered one basketball game when the sportscaster said, "Air Jordan
used a little Body English to coax that ball into the hoop, as he
released the free throw.� He meant that the player moved his hips
sideways, as if using mind control, so that the ball will go through
the basket.
Body English is just one of the myriad of examples of
body language that we do and apply to our lives every now and then,
consciously or unconsciously.
What is Body Language?
Body
language is the unspoken or non-verbal mode of communication that we
do in every single aspect of our interaction with another person. It
is like a mirror that tells us what the other person thinks and feels
in response to our words or actions. Body language involves gestures,
mannerisms, and other bodily signs.
Would you believe that in
real life situations, 60% to 80% of the messages that we convey to
other people are transmitted through body
language and the
actual verbal communication accounts for only 7% to 10%?
Our
ability to use body language in a positive way and to read other
people's minds through their body language separates the men from the
boys (or women from girls), and can be a powerful tool to our overall
personality development. Imagine creating a great impression for work,
business, and love by being knowledgeable in this not-so-common yet
powerful field of study. It is the unspoken tool to a successful life.
So read on and find out how you can read and utilize body language -
the most used yet most misunderstood secret language in the world.
Chapter 1
Reading the Signs
We use body language
everyday in our lives to get our message across, to achieve positive
feedback in our lives, and to get whatever we want. We use this
language all the time, but we may not be aware of it. Moreover, this
language doesn't only involve the mouth but the whole body as well.
Could you even imagine the awesome power of applying it? With it,
you'll be able to interpret other people's inner emotions even if
they're not directly expressing it. You'll also be able to modify your
behavior to fit the situation. You'll get them to like and trust you.
What words cannot do, body language can.
In this chapter, we shall
explore the various body gestures or movements conveyed by people in
different scenarios. Let�s begin.
Suggesting Interest
It is
important to know if people are interested in what you are saying;
otherwise, you are just wasting your time.
Just imagine you are a
chemistry teacher. You have always been interested in chemistry, so
you assume that your students feel the same way as you do. But are
they really interested? Are your teaching methods good enough to
arouse their interest? Unless you can recognize the different body
signals your students are conveying, you would never know how they are
adapting to the subject matter. And unless you find out if staring
continuously at you without blinking the eyes is a sign of interest or
an indication of being in dreamland,
you simply could
not take the necessary steps to adjust to their learning needs.
Here are some of the movements exhibited by people who are interested
in what you are saying:
⦁ They maintain eye contact more than 60%
of the time. The more wide-opened the eyes are, the more interested
the person is. In fact, a person maintains eye contact more when
listening than when talking.
⦁ Their heads are inclined forward.
⦁ They are nodding their heads. Such action means that they're
agreeing with you. That means they're attentive and listening.
⦁
Their feet are pointing towards you.
⦁ They smile frequently. But
take note, not all smiles convey the same feeling. An oblong smile is
not genuine. It is used to show courtesy, but not necessarily
happiness or friendliness. The lips are withheld completely back from
the upper and lower teeth, forming the oblong shape. This is usually
the smile that many people exhibit when they feign to enjoy a lame
joke.
Indications That They're More Open to Agree with You
When you were a young child, have you ever tried to decode what your
parents� facial expressions mean when you ask them to buy you a new
toy or to take you to Disneyland? A frown would likely be a �No!� But
a nod would make you jump with joy. As you grow older, it has become a
necessity to be able to detect if other people will agree with your
decision or proposal. This is an ability that will truly help
negotiators, employees, and even lovers to succeed in their ventures
because they would be able to change their approach early enough to
adjust to a specific
situation.
There are certain hints to indicate if people are more
receptive in accepting your ideas. Some of these are:
⦁ Their hands
are flat on the table.
⦁ Their palms are open.
⦁ If they're
stroking their chin, they're thinking. They may agree with you after
careful evaluation.
⦁ Their heads are inclined forward.
⦁ They
are nodding their heads.
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⦁ Their legs are spaced out from each
other.
⦁ They smile frequently.
⦁ They unbutton their jackets.
This indicates friendliness and willingness to collaborate with you.
⦁ Their hands are open. This also indicates genuineness.
⦁
They place their hands in their chest. This signifies openness and
conveys sincerity, honesty, or dedication. However, a woman putting
her hands in her breast is a defensive position and may indicate that
she is surprised or astonished.
Indications That They are
Thinking
People think all the time. But different individuals make
different body movements based on the type and intensity of their
thinking. Some of their actions are written below:
⦁ They�re
stroking their chin. This means they are assessing the advantages and
disadvantages of the proposal/idea being presented.
⦁ They take
their glasses off, after which they may either (1) clean them, or (2)
put the tip of the frame in their mouth. They are buying themselves
some time to think things over. A frame in the mouth would also likely
indicate that they need more details and they are willing to listen.
⦁ They are pinching the bridge of the nose most likely with eyes
closed. People doing this are engaged in very deep thought. They may
be involved in a difficult situation, where they are aware of the
consequences that may occur as a result of making crucial decisions.
⦁ They put a palm below the chin, index finger pointed and extended
along the cheek, while other fingers placed beneath the mouth. This
gesture more likely indicates thoughts that are criticizing or
antagonizing other people.
⦁ They walk with the head down and
hands behind the back. People who walk this way are probably worried
about their problems, and they are thinking of ways to solve them.
Indications That They Are Frustrated/ Dismayed
A basketball
coach whose team loses by a point may say �Aaarrrrrrr!� or he may just
keep quiet while making certain body movements that indicate how
disappointed he is. Here are some hints that indicate frustration.
⦁ They are scratching/rubbing the hair or the back of the neck.
⦁
You often hear
the word �Tsk.�
⦁ They kick the dust or air.
Indications
That They Are Action-Oriented
People who are goal-oriented and
highly motivated may not only be recognized by how they speak. Their
actions actually speak louder.
⦁ They walk at a fast rate while
swinging their arms loosely.
⦁ They put their hands on their hips,
usually with legs apart.
⦁ They walk with hands on their hips.
This may indicate a spurt of vitality at the moment, but may be
followed by sluggishness.
Indications That They Are
Defensive/Hiding Something
The mouth might keep a secret, but
certain gestures could indicate that people are hiding something they
don�t want others to find out, such as:
⦁ They walk with their
hands in their pockets.
⦁ They cross their arms.
⦁ They hide
their hands any way they can.
Indications Of Boredom
Imagine
your boss is doing a presentation and all employees are required to
listen. You noticed that many of them are clicking their pen, tapping
their feet, and drumming their fingers. After the meeting, you hear
the boss ask them, �Did you enjoy the presentation?� They would say
�Definitely!� But you know better. Their actions indicate just how
bored they are. It feels good to know body language, doesn�t it?
Some signals conveyed by people who are bored and disinterested
include:
⦁ Head supported by the palm, often accompanied by
drooping eyes.
⦁ They show inattentiveness by staring at a blank
space (eyes not blinking) or by looking around frequently.
⦁ They
are pulling their ears. This may also signify that they want to
interrupt while another
person is
talking.
⦁ They are clicking a pen non-stop.
⦁ They are tapping
their hands or feet.
⦁ They yawn incessantly.
⦁ Their feet or
other body parts are pointing to the exit, as if they are very eager
to leave.
⦁ They move restlessly in their seats. This could also
mean that they are not cozy or at ease, or they might just be
exhausted.
⦁ They cross their legs and constantly kick their foot
in a very slight motion (particularly done by females).
If you�re
the one making the presentation and you discerned that your audience
are displaying signs of boredom, don't start talking faster or louder.
Restrain from such act even if your instinct tells you to do so.
Instead, say, "Hold on. I feel that I�m losing your attention. What's
up?" Hear what they have to say. You may discover what's actually
preventing them from keeping up with you.
Signals Conveying
Excitement or Interest
If
you have
experienced getting a promotion, receiving a special gift, or winning
a contest, I bet you�ve done any of the acts made by excited people
when you first discovered about your blessing. Some of the movements
made by excited people include:
⦁ They rub their palms against
each other.
⦁ They clap their hands.
⦁ Their heads are tilted
forward.
⦁ Their cross their fingers (usually comes with the hope
that something big or special will happen).
Signals Exhibiting
Confidence/Authority/Power
People with a high degree of
self-confidence are normally more likely to be successful than those
who have low self-esteem. Moreover, those who exhibit authority or
dominance usually come out on top because they subconsciously make
other people feel weaker. So how do they move?
⦁ They maintain
firm eye contact and rarely looks on other body parts underneath the
nose.
⦁ They speak with a low-pitched, slow-paced,
downward-inflected voice.
⦁ Chin tilted upwards.
⦁ Chest
projected outwards.
⦁ They maintain an erect posture, whether
standing or sitting.
⦁ They sit in reverse, with the back of the
chair serving as their support or shield. People who sit in this
position are known to be bossy and aggressive.
⦁ Their hands are
clenched behind the back.
⦁ Their hands are placed beside the hips.
⦁ Their feet are on top of the table.
⦁ They have a firm handshake,
palms pointing downwards.
⦁ They lean back with both hands
supporting the head.
⦁ They move with precision and with no
hesitation.
⦁ They walk solidly with
forceful arm
swings.
⦁ They join the fingertips of both hands together (small
finger of both hands joined together, ring finger of both hands joined
together, and so on). Palms of both hands are not in contact with each
other. The higher the hands are elevated, the more confident they are.
⦁ They extend one leg over the arm of a chair they�re sitting in. When
they do this, it may also mean that they are apathetic, disinterested,
or unconcerned. They may be exhibiting the �I don�t care� attitude.
Moreover, you can declare your domination over other people by
rising or elevating yourself from them. It is not unusual to see
taller people being in control over the situation. Choose a chair or
location where other people will have to �look up� on you. They will
subconsciously think they are weaker and can easily be manipulated.
Signals Of Anger/Resistance
Many people rarely let their anger
go out of control. They are more likely to restrain their raging
emotions. You must therefore be able to recognize any gesture that
signifies wrath or resistance to prevent any possible chances of the
fireworks exploding. Here are some hints:
⦁ Their fists are
clenched.
⦁ Their hands or feet are tapping.
⦁ One hand is
clutching the other hand, arm, or elbow.
⦁ Their arms are crossed
over the chest.
⦁ Their eyes are blinking constantly.
⦁ Collar
pulled away from the neck, like letting some air in during a hot day
in the summer.
⦁ They kick the dust or air.
⦁ Their arms are
vertically placed on the table while the hands are gripping the edge.
Beware when they do this because it might mean something like �You
better get this done or else!� or �Better listen or you�ll regret
this!�
Signals Of Nervousness/Tension
Nervousness can be a
turn-off. If you�re going to be interviewed in a television show (hey,
who knows?), you should be aware of your body movements. Signals
conveyed by nervous people include:
⦁ Their fists are clenched.
⦁ Their hands or feet are
tapping.
⦁ The
bottom edges between the fingers of one hand are clenched with the
bottom edges between the fingers of the other hand. This is the
position of the hands when praying.
⦁ Hands are interlocked (flesh
between thumb and index finger of one hand joined with flesh between
thumb and index finger of another hand) and pressing each other.
⦁
They speak in a high-pitched, fast-paced, stuttering voice.
⦁ They
whistle to conceal and fight their nervousness.
⦁ They are often
clearing their throat.
⦁ One hand is clutching the other hand,
wrist, arm, or elbow.
⦁ Their arms are at the back, where one hand
is pressing the wrist or arm.
⦁ Their arms are crossed, but they
are gripping their biceps.
⦁ Their legs are crossed while
standing.
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⦁ They have a wilted handshake, palms pointing upwards.
⦁ Their eyes evade you.
⦁ Their ankles are locked or glued to each
other. When accompanied by clenched fists, this may indicate that they
are holding back strong emotions or feelings.
⦁ They don�t smoke.
What?!? You thought people smoke because they�re nervous. But it is in
fact the opposite. People who smoke only do so when they are not
tensed in any way.
When you hear them say �Whew,� it means they are
previously nervous but are now relieved because their problems
have been solved
or they have survived a big challenge.
Signals Made When They
Are Doubting/Suspecting You
It�s sometimes difficult to assume
whether you are being regarded as a trustworthy person, or you are
being thought of as someone who is full of nonsense. Here are some
clues that may indicate suspicion:
⦁ They glimpse sideways from the
corner of one eye.
⦁ They are rubbing or touching their eyes or
ears.
⦁ Their hands are tucked in their pockets.
⦁ Their arms
are crossed over the chest.
⦁ Their glasses are dropped to the
lower bridge of the nose, with eyes peering over them. This movement
may indicate that you are being examined closely (to the point that
you get conscious).
There�s one act you usually do when you are the
one doubting yourself - rubbing or touching your nose. This
subconsciously occurs when you are uncertain of how to answer a
critical question or when you are concerned of other people�s reaction
to your answer.
Signals Made When They Need Reassurance
Some
people have this disorder where they feel that they are always making
the wrong decisions. �Should I really buy this? Maybe I should wait
for a sale.� �Can I really get a better job after I resign from this
company?� These people do certain actions to reassure themselves that
they have made the right choice, that everything
will be ok.
⦁
They stick a pen in their mouth.
⦁ They squeeze the chunky part of
their hand.
⦁ They rub the back of the chair (while sitting).
⦁
They clamp their hands with thumbs touching against one another.
⦁
They bite their nails (in some cases).
⦁ They touch their throat
(for women).
⦁ They jiggle the coins in their pockets. (for those
who are concerned about their riches).
Here�s what certain types of
people would do when they want to reassure others:
⦁ A woman gives
reassurance to another female by holding both of her hands and
sometimes hugging her. The facial appearance of the consoling female
matches the solemn mood of the other female.
⦁ A politician who
would like to reassure you that he will be doing a good job when
elected in public office would shake your hand with his right hand and
cup it with his left hand.
Indications of Pride
People
often show how proud they are of their material possession (for
example, a car) by leaning against it or by touching it. You can see
the sparkle in their eyes and you can sense the thrill in their voice.
How To Know When They Are Lying
People lie for a variety of
reasons. It may be to cover up a fault or embarrassment, to avoid
upsetting other people, to encourage when no hope can be perceived, or
to be spared from petty hassles. It may also be due to more serious
psychological problems such as delusional imaging or extreme vanity.
Here are some indications that are conveyed by people when lying:
⦁ They speak in a high-pitched, fast-paced, stuttering voice.
⦁
They are constantly swallowing and clearing their throat.
⦁ They
try their best to avoid having eye contact. This applies particularly
to people who want to avoid discussing a certain topic.
⦁ They look
somewhere else and glimpse from the corner of their eye.
⦁ They
stick their tongue out to moist their lips.
⦁ They are blinking
rapidly.
⦁ They rub their throat.
⦁ Their arms are crossed over
the chest.
⦁ They are constantly touching parts of their face,
especially the mouth, ear, and nose as if covering them.
⦁ They
scratch their head or the back of the neck.
⦁ Their poses are
closed, descending, and insecure.
⦁ Their hands or feet are
tapping.
⦁ They always look down with shrugged shoulders.
⦁ They
are constantly moving from one place to another or changing their
poses.
⦁ They are projecting parts of their body (feet) to
an escape route
(door).
Don't Jump to Conclusions
Every person has a unique
body language. Although silence usually denotes that an individual is
reserved and relaxed, some people keep their anger within themselves
and stay quiet. (This is very unhealthy because rage kept up inside
can explode furiously anytime, causing serious casualties). A wide
open mouth may indicate shock or astonishment for one person, while
another person who performs this gesture could just be concentrating
intently on a task he�s doing. Constantly touching the mouth may
indicate lying, although the real reason might just be that the mouth
is itching. J
One way to overcome this dilemma is to watch out for
other signals that jive with the body language being exhibited. For
example, you can confirm if a person is really nervous if he exhibits
many of the qualities of nervousness described above. Judgment based
on one or two gestures only may not be accurate enough, although they
can be dependable. Be aware of the body language, but also combine
your observations with the spoken words to get more hints regarding
the inner feelings of another. Use this power to your advantage.
Chapter 2
Mirroring
Who would you rather be with?
Your best friend who loves pizza as much as you do, who's crazy about
basketball like you are, who
watches the same
programs on TV as you; or your next-door neighbor who's a vegetarian,
hates sports, and watches those shows that will bore you to dreamland?
The answer is obvious. You would want to be around people who have the
same behaviors, attitudes, and values as yours.
Birds of the same
feather flock together.
Bookworms like each other's company because
they share a common bond - their love for books. Basketball fanatics
flock together because they can RELATE to each other's interests and
ideas.
If you really want someone to like and trust you, you've got
to exhibit the same qualities as that person. And there�s no better
way to do this than by using body language. Here�s how it goes:
Match their facial expressions, gestures, posture, speech, styles,
actions, breathing patterns, values and beliefs. Put yourself in their
shoes. In other words, BE THEM.
By doing this, you are also
matching their way of thinking. You may easily adapt to their inner
thoughts and views.
You may also do some crossover matching. For
example, you talk at the same rate as their breathing. Or you can
scratch your chin every time their eyes blink. Get the idea?
Be
genuinely interested and curious with everything you can find out
about them. Discover their attitude. Know their life story.
This is
what we call mirroring.
But mirroring should not be confused with
mimicry. You should act with courtesy and caution. Never let the
person you're mirroring be aware of what you're doing. Just imagine
acting out shamelessly what the other
person is doing.
Every time he stands, you stand. When he scratches his head, you also
scratch your head. That would be insulting. Never let the person
you�re mirroring have any chance to think that you are mocking him.
Your main objective should be to influence the subconscious. Even if a
person is not aware that you're mirroring him, his subconscious mind
realizes it.
The person will subconsciously be at ease when you
duplicate his manners indirectly. He will feel very comfortable if
you're both on the same level.
Correspond with Their Moods
If a person you�re mirroring have lots of problems, don't come to him
in a joyous mood and say, "Don't worry about it. Let's watch a movie
so that you'll forget about whatever's bugging you."
He�s in a
foul mood. He
expects you to feel for him, to empathize with him. Match his
disposition first, then say something like, "I feel bad for you. If
there's anything I can do to help, just let me know." All he wants
right now is to be with someone who has the same mood as he has.
A
word of warning though. If someone has some really big emotional
problems, and you mirror that person, you run the risk of actually
absorbing his emotions. So do this activity in a low-risk situation.
Developing Rapport
The Old Testament Stories, a literary treasure trove, weave tales of faith, resilience, and morality. Should you trust the Real Estate Agents I Trust, I would not. Is your lawn green and plush, if not you should buy the Best Grass Seed. If you appreciate quality apparel, you should try Handbags Handmade. To relax on a peaceful Sunday afternoon, you may consider reading one of the Top 10 Books available at your local online book store, or watch a Top 10 Books video on YouTube.
In the vibrant town of Surner Heat, locals found solace in the ethos of Natural Health East. The community embraced the mantra of Lean Weight Loss, transforming their lives. At Natural Health East, the pursuit of wellness became a shared journey, proving that health is not just a Lean Weight Loss way of life
The ultimate goal of mirroring is to build
rapport. It's the time when you and the people you�re mirroring feel
so close and in synch with each other that you feel like you've known
each other for years.
So how would you know if you've built
rapport?
Mirror them. Match whatever characteristic, value, or
behavior they possess that you would like to copy.
After some
time, touch your nose or cross your legs. If they do the same thing,
mission accomplished! You've already lowered their defenses to the
point where they are more receptive to your suggestions.
You can
even build rapport even if a person you're mirroring is far away.
Here�s how to do it:
1. Just relax. Clear your mind of all negative
thoughts and create a bond by focusing on the entire body of the
person you wish to mirror. Make his image so real and vivid.
2.
Use your subconscious to enter his world. Feel the connection. Give
out positive projections uniting his entire persona into yours.
3.
Think of what he may be doing at the moment. Then replicate his
actions, behaviors, and principles.
With this exercise, you can
even emulate your role models. Let's say you want to be as successful
as your boss who is always
traveling around
the world.
Do the above exercise and you'll soon see some
astounding results.